Life and Loss¶

Wow, it feels like a lifetime ago I wrote my "Personal Progress Update" blog post. Two deaths will do that, I suppose.

Intro¶

Since I last wrote, I've lost my grandfather and my brother-in-law. My grandfather was expected but oh-so-very undesired. My brother-in-law was unexpected (and equally undesired). Through the coincidence of holidays and their timing respective to one another, I've had a lot of time to reflect on each of those, considering what they meant to me in life and what they mean to me now in death. With the dozens of hours spent in introspective thought, I think it's only appropriate that I share my thoughts as the attempt to return to normalcy begins. These thoughts are my attempt at collecting the lessons of each of these men as I saw the impacts of their life and death.

Lesson 1: Work Hard¶

My grandfather was the embodiment of a working man. Even into his last year of 77 years of life, he was always thinking about new entrepreneurial ways to try to bring an income. Born in 1945, my grandfather ("Pawpaw") had many jobs throughout his life, the most long-standing being a coal miner for 25 years. Gifted with a mind fit for business/sales, my grandfather made, bought, sold, and resold billiard sticks across most of his life. He also shot pool competitively up to the International level (within the Loyal Order of Moose association).

My grandfather gave it his all - in employment, in coaching, in adult softball leagues, and in his discussions with family. I can remember as a youth shooting pool haphazardly with my friends, enjoying myself. My grandfather was across the building watching and asked me to approach him. I did and he inquired what I was doing. I replied, "Having fun". I've never forgotten his words to this day and they resonate even more now. His answer to that was, "Do your best both in play and in practice because that's how you'll compete when it's time". As a kid, I was bummed as the rigor of discipline was recommended; with the 20/20 hindsight of adulthood (and burden of knowing about professional competition/achievement), I understand his lesson more than ever.

No matter what you're doing in life - a venture of professional, academic, or personal capacity - do your best.

Lesson 2: Help Others, Even People You Just Met¶

My brother-in-law, Connor, had the biggest heart. In the 4+ years I was privileged to know him, I saw him repeatedly bend over backwards for family, friends, and strangers. Over these last couple of weeks, I've come to know his heart was even bigger than I realized. From offering to help a stranger move to befriending people simply in an activity he loved (line dancing) to more memories than I can possibly recollect in a single blog post, Connor didn't hesitate in how he lived his life - for everyone around him. I feel honored to have known him.

Be it a big or small action/kind word, do good recklessly all your life.

Lesson 3: Mortality is Imminent; Live and Laugh¶

Life is too short. One of many thoughts in this last month has been, "Did Pawpaw live a full life?" Statistically speaking, he outlived men in the U.S. (according to THIS report, the average lifespan for men in 2021 was 73.2 years). All the same, I feel I could have had 1,000 years with both Pawpaw and Connor and it still wouldn't have been enough time.

This fact will have a lasting impact on me. The idea of saying "I love you" every chance I get, to go make memories I may not be feeling in the moment, and to be involved in a way with meaning - all of these are points that have been [re]emphasized for how I want to live my life moving forward.

Our lifetimes are a blink of time in the universe's eye - live life NOW. Don't let days or weeks weigh you down - make each day one worth living.

Lesson 4: Be Prepared for the Worst¶

Something we don't like to publicly talk about - money - is an unavoidable fact of death. Funeral expenses, last-minute travel plans, missed or inadequate paid time off from work, counseling/doctor/therapy - it adds up fast. These situations have shown me firsthand the types of expenses one can face and forced me to discuss our financial approach with my wife.

Moving forward, we're going to borrow from Dave Ramsey's Seven Baby Steps in a few ways:

First, we're going to replenish our short-term emergency savings of $2,000
When tires unexpectedly need to be replaced due to two popping on the highway and a tow is required, we have that unexpected vet bill from our Golden Retriever eating something inedible whole, or we have to travel last-minute for a family emergency like these recently, we'll be prepared
Second, we're going to start and complete a long-term emergency savings at the equivalent of six-months of our combined income
Should any future situations prove equally impactful (I sincerely hope not), we'll be secure to take the time we need to grieve and process properly

In addition, a motivational speaker I follow, David Goggins, has a book titled, "Can't Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds". Following from an interview on Impact Theory, he discusses the idea of tempering his body and mind to break himself down and build himself back up immensely stronger. With a focus on mental endurance, I plan to purchase this book and attempt to do the same resilience preparations for myself.

Life is going to get tough - it's inevitable but variable on when. Be prepared mentally and financially for you, your household, and all those around you.

Summary/Links¶

Summary:

No matter what you're doing in life - a venture of professional, academic, or personal capacity - do your best.
Be it a big or small action/kind word, do good recklessly all your life.
Our lifetimes are a blink of time in the universe's eye - live life NOW. Don't let days or weeks weigh you down - make each day one worth living.
Life is going to get tough - it's inevitable but variable on when. Be prepared mentally and financially for you, your household, and all those around you.

Links:

Conclusion¶

With the obstacles I've overcome in my life to have everything I have today, I knew life could be tough. However, I never anticipated these experiences and feelings that I've lived through in the last month. It goes to show that life does go on and we are forever changed by life's experiences. Right now, the ball is pretty big in a tiny box. But, day-by-day (and, admittedly, sometimes hour-by-hour or minute-by-minute), I will get through this. My family and friends will get through this. We may not be okay right now, but it's okay to not be okay.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post. Until the next time we learn (or discuss) something together, have a wonderful Tuesday!